Helo and I go to a pre-Folsom party/orgy. I meet an amazing woman who likes to hurt people. A real sadist! my favorite. I say that I like to play with people who make me cry. She lights up, gets her toybag, and a few minutes later we are negotiating. This is my first ever (and, to this date, last) pick-up play* with someone I don’t know. Violet beats me hard and fast – the most brutal I have ever taken from anyone aside from Helo.
Helo watches us from the back of the room, his expression dark, hungry, approving & appreciative. It feels visceral and tuned into me and I often find myself seeking the connection of his gaze.
Violet is mean, god, and she gives me no processing time between strokes. i am crying and she keeps going (which I love), keeps working me. I know I am at her mercy, I feel it. I touch her face, her hair, beseeching, but if my hands get in the way, she hits them, too. I have a bruise on my pinky for a week after that. She is sexy, and I am afraid. I start to lose myself, the edge of the precipice I seem to find when playing hard, with the barest hint of panic. Helo senses this, I think, moves closer and stands next to me. His presence anchors me and I am able to take more.
When Violet finishes with me, I fall into Helo, my face pressed against his shoulder. I don’t know it, but the mascara I have worn for the party has run and I am the poster shot of the destroyed little girl.
Helo takes me home, snuggles me into bed. Lying there, I still feel the… something – it’s still stuck from the play. I’m not done, and I cry a little more. It feels like popping a bubble in my chest. We fall asleep.
*pick-up play is play that is unscheduled/unplanned; it can be with people you already know or people you have just met at the play-party. It’s tricky to pull off and many people find it uncomfortable/difficult.